Starting Over as a Black Trans Woman - Leaving the Corporate World & Living with Purpose
The journey from dysphoria to euphoria has not been linear, with much of the quest taking place unknowingly and unconsciously. The idea of “starting over” was always taboo - primarily inconceivable but, more recently, unacceptable. The progress, the hard work, the accolades - does it make sense to give these things up for a feeling?
I wrestled with these questions and cyclically questioned my choice to meet the status quo in all facets of my life. I’m not normal… I’ve never felt normal or desired to be normal… But, I struggled with the idea of not being normal and what that would mean for my life. As I am here, on the other side of this battle, I wanted to reflect on the stages of starting over and how embracing the process can lead one to a life of purpose.
The Decision
Before you can get into the fine details of starting over, you must decide to embark on the journey. My experience, and likely the experience of others, is that you experience a moment of clarity. This moment can be fleeting or linger with you for several days, months, or even years, but it is rousing. Why am I here? What am I doing? These questions (and more) are often accompanied by a feeling of restlessness or a need for challenge, as well as a yearning for purpose. Once you can acknowledge these feelings and their impact on the quality of your life, you can forge a path to fulfillment and purpose. The first step is a commitment to yourself and the process.
The Plan
You’ve committed to the process, so now it is time to devise a plan of action. You know that you are looking for more out of life, but you’ll need to figure out what that is. What are your passions? What makes you feel alive? This step is very personal and can be difficult. As we are conditioned to suppress perceptually radical ideologies, it can be a struggle to think past societal conceptions of normalcy. The idea of not doing what is expected of you but simply living your life in a way that is acceptable to you can be overwhelming. How will I support myself? People will think I’m crazy! It is important to re-program your thought processes so that it is inconceivable to not live a fulfilling life.
You will, however, need to handle some logistics in this phase of the process. You’ll need to plan financially for your immediate future and confirm how you’ll tie up all loose ends in your current roles and responsibilities. Once you have conceived a feasible plan of action, it is now time to make it happen!
The Execution
This is by far the most fulfilling step, in my opinion. At this point in the process, you are ready to enact all of the plans outlined in the previous step. In some instances, this may start with a notice of resignation or tactfully removing yourself from certain environments to make space for your new endeavors. You’ll hit the ground running with foundational actions to set yourself up for success - write out your goals, create a mind/conceptual map, and create a schedule for effective time management. You may also want to check in on your physical and mental health to ensure that you have the stamina, both mental and physical, to withstand what may initially feel like uncertain times. This is your time to be experimental - take risks and be bold! There is no right or wrong approach, but you’ll want to avoid inaction.
As a reformed perfectionist, execution was never my strength. My inability to commit to action because of my perpetual dissatisfaction only facilitated missed opportunities and feelings of inadequacy. You don’t have to have the answers. You don’t have to have everything figured out. Just start!
The Future
The final step is infinite and requires you to never stop dreaming! Never stop pushing! Complacency can sometimes be our enemy… this journey is not finite. This step challenges you to never stop thinking of and conceiving new, improved versions of yourself and your world. We are complex, and our desires and needs are ever-evolving. Be imaginative and always remember your “why.”